hi!

hehehe.. long time no see blog.. just checking by.. :D well i won't write anything beside this though so see ya! :D btw life been a little bit, very very freakin' lil' bit.. :'D

2 Months and 10 Day

yep.. it's been 2 months and 10 day since that day.. the day you left me.. so.. happy end of your world raymond! hope you'll always remember about her.. :')

Awkward

hmm.. awkward.. the first thing that past my head.. just like my life, my heart, and me.. :') i really don't know what am i feeling right now..

I'm happy.. why? i was a burden for her.. and puposely or not I'm ask to leave from her life.. and I'm happy to not anymore become her burden..

BUT

I'm sad.. because I've become a burden to her.. and i left my promises.. and i can't leave you just yet.. until you give me the chance to fulfill my promises to you.. i didn't meant to leave my promises or not to fulfill them..

my promises..

1. to CHANGE
2. to CHANGE
3. to CHANGE

and to change.. it's not really that easy.. maybe in your eyes I'm not doing it.. but to tell you the truth.. I'm doing my best to fulfill that..

and i thought you loved me.. and i realize, your love to me? it's a 50% monkey love.. but if you think that mine is like that. no.. if my love is like that.. i wouldn't do, feel, made all this..

only thing i want now is.. i want to be your friend again.. not this.. now you really hate me.. and i don't know how you forget me cause i can't forget you.. even now, the way how you talked to me? it's not really talking together, more like talking to a robot.. i want the old you back.. only that..

if you still haven't forgive me.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. if i can do anything to make you forgive me.. i would do almost anything in my worth to do that.. :')

Enough to put a smile on my face

yes.. thanks for the texting. I'm really-really happy that you replied my text.. really really happy.. well it's not that exciting for you but it's really for me.. thanks again.. thanks.. and thanks.. :')

1 month 10 days

happy 1 month and 10 days The End of My World.. Wish You All The Best.. :) make me happy in the morning and sad in the nigth every this date okay?? :')

another day another tears

yep.. another day another tear.. and tomorrow.. it's 1 month and 10 days since The End of My World.. yeah.. my life is never the same since that.. since you left me in the darkness of my heart that you kidnapped.. i really2 don't want to lose you.. and i didn't meant to hurt you.. but yeah that's me.. too much mistakes.. I'm really2 sorry.. if you're reading this..

well... i just want you to be what you used to be.. the cheerful girl that always laugh when i make jokes, hits me when i talk stupid things, listen to my stories.. if you're are not to love me as your love.. you can might as well love me as your friend.. i thought when you say "just friends".. you mean it.. but now.. yeah maybe you think of me as a friend.. but i don't think i was your friend.. i just want to talk to you as usual.. not as my super special one.. but as my special one.. as my friend.. if you are to hurt my heart.. don't do it like this.. you can stab my heart like a thousand times if you want.. but not like this.. the stab will hurt less..

maybe you don't feel like hurting me.. because your hurt too.. but i know.. somewhere in there that even you can't realize it.. there is a little bit of my trace you still keep..

but when i think of it.. i can't get it.. you wouldn't do this to others.. i don't know what made you change.. you will never hurt anyone.. but.. maybe i was wrong.. you were that cruel..

you can do anything you want too.. I'll never stop.. I'll never give up.. I'll never gonna forget the antelope.. and Jerry.. never.. I'll stay as a goat you always love.. the pillow you always hug.. and the cheeks you always pinch..

i hope you don't post anymore awkward things after reading this.. cause you sometimes post awkward things.. well i don't know if it's for me or anything.. it's just awkward.. please don't..

*title*

hmm.. how do i start this.. oh yes.. hmmm.. looks like she really really Really REALLY hate me :(.. well.. who doesn't hate those whom broke their heart.. well.. honestly.. I'm selfish.. yeah selfish.. and i really really hate the fact that I'm selfish.. but honestly (again) i really don't want to break your heart.. even when you asked me to pinch you arm i can't do it.. nevertheless breaking your heart.. maybe now you're thinking "why can't you act normal??" yeah.. i will act normal if you would act normal too.. i can't bare to hold on to the rope above there when you wouldn't even talk to me.. usually I'm the one whom take your boredom away.. but not anymore.. and that i realize.. i just want you to talk to me like usual.. like really really usual.. not like this.. well.. i just have to sit down, settle down.. be patient.. continue my day of heart crying.. just a bit of advice (actually it's a thing i learn from all this)...

HATRED MAKES YOU FORGET EVERYTHING..

that's what i feel.. she hates me.. and she really forget everything.. that's how easy she forgets me.. hmmm.. i want to learn about that..


P.S. : this is just what's inside my heart.. no offense.. anyone read's this and maybe you would read this (i hope) please don't feel mocked.. please.. please.. please.. please... i don't want anymore misunderstood.. I'm sick of that.. please.. please..