hi!

hehehe.. long time no see blog.. just checking by.. :D well i won't write anything beside this though so see ya! :D btw life been a little bit, very very freakin' lil' bit.. :'D

2 Months and 10 Day

yep.. it's been 2 months and 10 day since that day.. the day you left me.. so.. happy end of your world raymond! hope you'll always remember about her.. :')

Awkward

hmm.. awkward.. the first thing that past my head.. just like my life, my heart, and me.. :') i really don't know what am i feeling right now..

I'm happy.. why? i was a burden for her.. and puposely or not I'm ask to leave from her life.. and I'm happy to not anymore become her burden..

BUT

I'm sad.. because I've become a burden to her.. and i left my promises.. and i can't leave you just yet.. until you give me the chance to fulfill my promises to you.. i didn't meant to leave my promises or not to fulfill them..

my promises..

1. to CHANGE
2. to CHANGE
3. to CHANGE

and to change.. it's not really that easy.. maybe in your eyes I'm not doing it.. but to tell you the truth.. I'm doing my best to fulfill that..

and i thought you loved me.. and i realize, your love to me? it's a 50% monkey love.. but if you think that mine is like that. no.. if my love is like that.. i wouldn't do, feel, made all this..

only thing i want now is.. i want to be your friend again.. not this.. now you really hate me.. and i don't know how you forget me cause i can't forget you.. even now, the way how you talked to me? it's not really talking together, more like talking to a robot.. i want the old you back.. only that..

if you still haven't forgive me.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. if i can do anything to make you forgive me.. i would do almost anything in my worth to do that.. :')

Enough to put a smile on my face

yes.. thanks for the texting. I'm really-really happy that you replied my text.. really really happy.. well it's not that exciting for you but it's really for me.. thanks again.. thanks.. and thanks.. :')

1 month 10 days

happy 1 month and 10 days The End of My World.. Wish You All The Best.. :) make me happy in the morning and sad in the nigth every this date okay?? :')

another day another tears

yep.. another day another tear.. and tomorrow.. it's 1 month and 10 days since The End of My World.. yeah.. my life is never the same since that.. since you left me in the darkness of my heart that you kidnapped.. i really2 don't want to lose you.. and i didn't meant to hurt you.. but yeah that's me.. too much mistakes.. I'm really2 sorry.. if you're reading this..

well... i just want you to be what you used to be.. the cheerful girl that always laugh when i make jokes, hits me when i talk stupid things, listen to my stories.. if you're are not to love me as your love.. you can might as well love me as your friend.. i thought when you say "just friends".. you mean it.. but now.. yeah maybe you think of me as a friend.. but i don't think i was your friend.. i just want to talk to you as usual.. not as my super special one.. but as my special one.. as my friend.. if you are to hurt my heart.. don't do it like this.. you can stab my heart like a thousand times if you want.. but not like this.. the stab will hurt less..

maybe you don't feel like hurting me.. because your hurt too.. but i know.. somewhere in there that even you can't realize it.. there is a little bit of my trace you still keep..

but when i think of it.. i can't get it.. you wouldn't do this to others.. i don't know what made you change.. you will never hurt anyone.. but.. maybe i was wrong.. you were that cruel..

you can do anything you want too.. I'll never stop.. I'll never give up.. I'll never gonna forget the antelope.. and Jerry.. never.. I'll stay as a goat you always love.. the pillow you always hug.. and the cheeks you always pinch..

i hope you don't post anymore awkward things after reading this.. cause you sometimes post awkward things.. well i don't know if it's for me or anything.. it's just awkward.. please don't..

*title*

hmm.. how do i start this.. oh yes.. hmmm.. looks like she really really Really REALLY hate me :(.. well.. who doesn't hate those whom broke their heart.. well.. honestly.. I'm selfish.. yeah selfish.. and i really really hate the fact that I'm selfish.. but honestly (again) i really don't want to break your heart.. even when you asked me to pinch you arm i can't do it.. nevertheless breaking your heart.. maybe now you're thinking "why can't you act normal??" yeah.. i will act normal if you would act normal too.. i can't bare to hold on to the rope above there when you wouldn't even talk to me.. usually I'm the one whom take your boredom away.. but not anymore.. and that i realize.. i just want you to talk to me like usual.. like really really usual.. not like this.. well.. i just have to sit down, settle down.. be patient.. continue my day of heart crying.. just a bit of advice (actually it's a thing i learn from all this)...

HATRED MAKES YOU FORGET EVERYTHING..

that's what i feel.. she hates me.. and she really forget everything.. that's how easy she forgets me.. hmmm.. i want to learn about that..


P.S. : this is just what's inside my heart.. no offense.. anyone read's this and maybe you would read this (i hope) please don't feel mocked.. please.. please.. please.. please... i don't want anymore misunderstood.. I'm sick of that.. please.. please..

nothing to do.. just whining.. :')

I.. really not in the mood for blogging.. but seems like my blog is calling me..yep.. I'm not making poem's this time.. my heart is still not working.. (not the organ but the emotion) yes I'm in depression.. how come? like i know.. wish my life got two undo chance.. well one for the mistakes I've done to her.. second.. my friends.. wish it would go on like it should be.. but now.. i don't know wether I'm deceived or whatever they call it.. a traitor?? hey your my friends i don't even think about doing it.. yep you would that i only talk much.. now.. *sigh* like i know what their thinking.. nor the others.. i only have those who knows the real case and those who don't know.. even i thought about this.. you incited her too.. but nah.. that's only an opinion.. I'll never deceive my friends even if they deceive me.. cause you know what? I've changed.. yeah.. i did what y'all told me to do.. well.. it's just a matter of trust.. even from the beginning I'm never trusted.. well.. i guess that's it for now.. i felt like i wanna cry. well ignore that.. bye.. :')

Time Flies When Your Having Fun

yesterday i was with you
and now
playing a game called life without you..
time sure flies..
if i am to play this game..
i have to follow it's gameplay
and to follow that..
it's really not that easy..
and it's really not that fun..
but that's life..
no life has been easy..
now my heart is unspeakable..
usually my heart pours down a paragraph of poem.
now it's only a matter of words..
but I'm ready..
to sacrifice even my life and hapinnes..
for you..
and i will do everything..
for you..
i hope this is not the end..
some story's stops in the middle of it..
so i hope mine does to..
i hope i wont stop..

i hope i can wait...

My Angel

oh god..
she's pretty
she's cute
she's beautiful
she's kind
she's smart
she's lovable
she's loving
and the most important thing
SHE'S PERFECT
PERFECT
AND PERFECT
no wonder i love her..
she's the really right choice..
my only one and true love..
My Angel
My Angel whom is sent by god..
to my life..
as my love..
:)

My First Love is My Last Love

choices..
is what you need to pick from..
there are choices of
food
drinks
clothes
etc etc
everyone needs to make the right choice..
and i have made mine..
not the choice of food
nor drinks
nor clothes..
it's the choice to pick you..
my choice is 100% right..
my choice to pick you is 100% right..
some people don't have the thought like mine..
My First Love is My Last Love..
and that first love is you..
it's not just a matter of monkey cries..
it's from the deepest depths of my heart..
you are my one and only love..
no one can take your place in my heart..
I love you my first love..
please be my first and last one.. :)

need comment's for my poem and posts

come on guys.. your not that stingy? give me comment's on my posts.. :D i always wanted the critic.. :D

The Sadness Behind My Happiness

once i felt sad..
once i felt happy..
both of them always show up..
when I'm beside you...
i always felt sad even when you make me in bad mood..
i always felt happy when you hugged me tight (my hope)..
i wanted to make you happy always..
even in my sadness nor happiness...
because i love you...
if you want me to change a little bit..
i will do it..
i promise..
you may hold my words...
but for now..
I'm really...
really..
honestly..
from my deepest heart..
I'm sorry..
I'm sorry i always broke your even when your in bad shape..
I'm sorry...
I hope you forgive me fully..
i know you have forgive me..
but i want you to forgive me from your deepest heart..
i don't want to lose you..

I Love You My Love...

3 times is better than 1

this morning i said it..
I Love You
this afternoon..
I've said it again..
I Love You
even just now...
I've said it again..
I Love You
I'm sorry if I've said it too much..
i just want to show you how much i love you..
i don't need your reply..
i just need you to now..
I Love You..
your my life..
your my everything..
Your my love..
i'll love you forever...

it is suppose to be the day to remember...

i have waited long..
but..
after all the waiting..
after all the preparation..
after all the time..
when the time comes...
i can't be there..
i thought for awhile..
i felt like i have committed crime..
i felt like i have made the biggest mistake..
in a few days..
its 14th February..
the time that i've been waiting for..
but i can't attend it..
i can't be there for you...
i am really-really sorry..
so now..
i owe you a celebration...
once again..
sorry.. please forgive me..

inikah?

orang sering berkata..
"jatuh cinta itu menyenangkan ya?"
benarkah?
aku bertanya pada diriku...
sekian lama kucari jawaban..
tak pernah kudapatkan..
kemudian...
setelah skian lama..
aku merasakan sesuatu yang indah berbayang di hatiku..
setiap hari hanya terbayang dikau d pikiranku..
seseorang berkata..
"mungkin kau sedang jatuh cinta?"
aku bertanya pada sebuaha kaca berbayang diriku..
apakah kau sudah siap untuk jatuh cinta?
apakah kau sudah kuat jatuh cinta?
apakah benar ini jatuh cinta?
apakah kau sudah bosan jatuh kesandung?
aku bertanya semua itu..
aku terpikir..
ternyata..
bgini ya rasanya jatuh cinta?
kamudian aku luahkan itu semua pada dikau..
betapa leganya mendengar dikau..
mau membalas cintaku ini...
hatiku sekarang terasa ringan yg tadinya d bebani..
terima kasih ku akan selalu pada mu..

oh cintaku..

terimalah kasihku..

Another love poem ^^ "Time Of My Life"

i have waited long...
a long long time...
it is really not that long..
but for me it's like forever..
first i thought that she will never said the word...
"I love you"..
to reply what i said..
"I love you"
the word i really wait for..
then..
my time of waiting ends..
when i got your message..
i opened it..
and i can't believe my eyes..
i saw the word..
"I Love You"
How can't i feel flying?
now i believe..
every minutes, ours, day's of waiting really counts..
Thank You.. :D

A Chance

i finally found it
a chance
but...
something went past my mind...
what was it?
in a while i found the answer...
a chance to love...
to love you...
i hope i can be with you forever..
because..
you are my heaven...
i felt that when i hold your hand...
my angel...

Love

i felt warm... when i'm beside you..
i felt peace.. when i'm beside you..
i felt truly Happy.. When i'm beside you..
I started to ask why?
Why is it like this?
now i know the answer..
it's because..
I Love You
More than anything..
I hope We will be together..

forever...